The Reflection We See In The Mirror
We’ve all looked into a mirror with that bottomless feeling in the stomach, as your mind and body fills with every negative opinion you have about your appearance. It could be something you’ve come up with yourself, while glancing through the window reflection of yourself at your local grocery store or a byproduct of your sister telling you how those jeans are fitting a little tighter than they used to. This is common however so it must be normal and ok right? Everyone has negative thoughts about themselves? No not necessarily. It starts off normal, perhaps looking at yourself and thinking “this dress doesn’t flatter my body type as much as my other one did” or even “yeah, orange really isn’t my colour”. It’s normal to criticize our appearance and sometimes not love the mirror as much today as we did yesterday. The downward spiral into deep rooted insecurity begins when you take those normal, not so nice thoughts about yourself, and scrutinize them to the point of no return. You might be thinking at this point “well yeah everyone does that though so it’s not that big of a deal”, scrap that idea. The second we allow harmless thoughts to take over, we begin to internalize them, and make them a part of who we are. By the end of this reading you’ll understand the difference between having lighthearted insecurities (normal) and being an insecure person (not normal).
Why might this be important? I’m getting there, bare with me. Have you ever heard the expression “you are what you eat”? I’m gonna assume that you have, but there’s a much more truthful spin on that outdated saying. You are what you think. This is factual. When you are insecure about the sizable lump on the bridge of your nose, guess what all you are going to focus on when judging others? they’re noses. Then from there, we project that insecurity by telling ourselves “oh well at least my nose isn’t as big as hers”. It’s a coping mechanism. That is exactly why it is important as an individual to deal with the root problem. The unfortunate thing about that is the root problem is usually a result of someone projecting their own insecurity onto you. Hating yourself isn’t natural, it's taught. Let me let you in on a little secret, people who actually love themselves will never in their lifetime go even as far as to tear down the way someone’s nail bed looks. So next time someone makes a cheeky comment about your weight, don’t automatically think that it is the truth but inside remember it’s only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. I promise no one who is truly content with themselves will just randomly point out the curvatures in your stomach, while telling you to cut down on the carbs. Think about it? Take that person that has internalized hating their nose as an example, without even knowing, their whole perspective on other people's appearance is a reflection based on their own insecurity. That same person wouldn’t do so if they had the nose, a group of mean girls had shown them in a vogue magazine in grade 9 and compared it to their own.
In summary, what makes me sound like a broken record right about now, is when you are genuinely happy with what you have, you're not seeking validation from anyone, or trying to tear others down - the true meaning of what it looks like to love who you are inside and out. Let me let you in on another “not so secret, secret”, there is more to life than fitting into that old skirt, or having a butt like a reality tv star. Keep that in mind that at the end of the day, your body is yours and no one can take that away from you. Additionally, you don’t have to want to look like what everyone else wants to look like. Disregard the idea that there's only one mould of a nice body and it’s “being slim thick with abs”. You have every right and entitlement to love yourself with no conditions attached and regardless of what someone else says or thinks about you.
Now we’ve established the general psychological reasoning behind the cycle of why we are so harsh on ourselves, and why others can be so harsh on us. Let’s move into the ways in which you can actively work on changing your mindset to manifest the love you deserve for yourself. The idea behind manifesting self love is really much simpler than one might anticipate. The process of transformation stems from the way you talk to yourself internally. Positive self talk and daily affirmations are key to creating a safe space to be kind to yourself. Next time you have a look in the mirror, fight the urge to pinch your loose skin and pull back your face to mimic the “Botox look”, and try to give yourself a complement. Just one. That’s all it takes. Find one thing on your unique and beautiful canvas and give it a chance to feel loved.
Look, it’s not totally realistic to just sit in-front of a mirror telling yourself “I’m the prettiest person ever” or “I’m way prettier than so and so”. Because 99% of people don’t actually believe that, and realism is critical to create an honest foundation of self love. The point is not to delude yourself but come to a truthful realization. Tell yourself “I like the way my dress hugs my beautiful curves in this dress” or maybe “I’m having a really great hair day”. Furthermore, the ways in which you choose to affirm yourself are completely up to you. It is for this reason that the commitment to manifest self love into your life is really quite simple, you are essentially just committing to make yourself feel loved to the best of your ability, with the most consistency.
Manifesting brings to life what is already within you. Anyone has the potential to absolutely fall in love with themselves, it is just about consistency and realism. I emphasize realism because it’s really not a “fake it till you make it” kind of mindset, it’s more about accepting yourself as is and giving yourself appreciation in the areas you truly love. To summarize what feels like a never ending lecture I wish someone gave the 13 year old me, the whole concept of loving yourself starts with you. No one can bring you happiness within yourself, it’s a necessary and consistent mindset that needs to be upheld by each and every one of us. After all, we could all use a little more love from ourselves.
By: Penelope Sairoglou
