But first, self-love
To master self-love, you must master loving yourself. The word "self-love" is composed of "self" and "love". You must give it to yourself first, even if you have a singular person or a community of people loving you, it will not make a difference. You'll constantly be in a state of insecurity and needing reassurance.
I began my self-love journey after a breakup that felt like my soul was shattered. For the longest time, I held somebody else high on a pedestal. It didn't come to my awareness until after the breakup that I had spent years abandoning myself.
During the healing process, I learned that a lot of things stemmed from my childhood. While healing, I remembered that long before my relationship, I was always known to be the girl who had loads of confidence and always praised herself, whether it was in front of the mirror, on camera, or in front of a crowd. I still remember vividly when I was at school and somebody called me self-conceited. From that comment alone, it made me wonder, "Is loving myself something that shouldn't be praised?" "Is it bad to show myself love?" "Does self-love mean I am actually conceited?" I realized that was it! By that comment from a classmate, I developed a belief that loving myself was selfish, egoistic, and self-conceited. I had to unlearn that belief by getting comfortable again to give myself love.
It was a process, I tell you. I first began listening to self-love meditations. It was tough at first. I had chatter in my head saying, "Who are you kidding? You don't love yourself." "You got broken up with, you know you aren't loved." Regardless of this chatter, I kept going. I meditated more. I became so committed to allowing the negative chatter to turn into a positive one. Surely enough, a few months in, that chatter began to agree with the affirmations that I said during the meditations.
I remember being on my daily walks or at work, and all I would hear were my self-love affirmations on repeat in my head. I knew it was working. I was feeling better after all. My life had felt like it had changed for the better. And it did. I was getting compliments left and right, getting offered free coffee and meals, getting gifts, and random people on the street starting conversations with me. I knew all of this was happening due to self-love.
Throughout this entire self-love journey, I learned that it's okay to love yourself first. At the end of the day, "self-love" doesn't include anybody else but the word "self." It's meant to be intimate and include only you.
My self-love journey has been a beautiful one. It allowed me to love myself again and see the world with colors. The woman I once was, lacking self-love, is long gone. I will never allow anybody to be placed so high on the pedestal because that spot will forever be reserved for me.
By: Lara Malak
“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
